First of all, let’s start out with a big hug and thank you to The Washington Post. I was really wondering what could possible distract me during the 6 slow moving weeks before football season. Just when the romance of another drunken forgotten July was grabbing hold of my heart, I punched up my Mac book and discovered one of my favorite forgotten storylines. The American People have created a 4thbranch of government that is nearly oversight free.
There is a vast network of scary secret organizations that seem to be accountable to no one. For almost ten years we have been giving a billion dollars to any ex-spy who repeated the worlds counter terrorism three times and then did a double pinky swear over a modern language bible.
I imagine the conversations went something like this:
Weary and frightened member of Congress (WFMC): So you have the skills to defend us from a nameless and faceless enemy?
Nameless and faceless security company (NFSC): Fuck yeah.
WFMC: How much money do I need to spend to convince my constituency that I am not a pussy?
NFSC: 1 mil… no wait… 1 billion? We could kick some serious ass with a billion.
WFMC: Before I give you the money, I need to make sure The American People can trust you. Please place your hands on the exposed shoulders of this statue of Jesus in a wife beater, stare deeply into his historically accurate blue eyes and say the words “Jesus Rocks!”
NFSC: (looking around for Kutcher to make sure they aren’t being punked) Jesus Rocks!?
WFMC: Sounds good. (Writes out a big check, gets a sweet photo with large men holding large guns and happily returns to seat) Great… just a couple more questions. Where will your headquarters be? Who is in charge? And to whom will that person report?
NFSC: (all representatives from the security company melt into a strange glistening alloy and disappear silently through the floor boards)
Ex-Presidents Farewell Bank Tour
The first step to solving a problem is admitting that you have one. We all remember government class. The three branches manage each other through a series of checks and balances etc. Even to the most cynical student it seemed like a good idea… seemed like a solid plan to preserve democracy. Unfortunately, those free wheelin three branch days are gone. That battle has been lost. If these facts seem jarring, I would recommend a serious reassessment of your leadership structure. For example, If I were teaching a government class it would go something like this:
Mr. Good: O.K. students… before we discuss our papers about “Waco: The Rules of Engagement” let’s go over the branches of government.
Students: (in unison) Oh hellz yeah.
Mr. Good: How may are there?
Students: There are 6. Three visible and three invisible.
Mr. Good: Excellent. Now we know the three visible ones are Executive, Legislative, and Judicial. What are the three invisible ones?
Students: #1 The vast network of consultants, lobbyists, think tanks, and alleged non-profits. #2 The secret collection of security companies and oversight free counter terrorism agencies, and of course #3 Goldman Sachs.
Mr. Good: Great job everybody! For a reward I got you all french fries from Mc Donalds!
Students: BOOOOOOO!!!!
Mr. Good: Just kidding. Your kale and berry fruit smoothies are being brought up from the cafeteria.
Students: (cheering, laughing and chanting) Mr. Dave Good aint nothin to fuck with. Mr. Dave Good aint nothin to fuck with.
The Dave Good Show 
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