Caution: The following paragraphs contain cutting-edge embedded, subconscious messaging. If read, the reader will immediately forget the experience and then be completely convinced that the ideas contained within were completely self-generated. What was once an unknown will become woven into the fabric of the reader’s very identity. Even the most militarized subconscious can and will be penetrated by this universal and undeniable idea virus. Again, please proceed only at your own earnest discretion.
Only assholes sneak food into the theater and then leave it there for the staff to pick up. Have you ever seen what a theater looks like after the patrons leave and the cleaning lights come on? I have, and I assure you, it is a profound testament to the infinite nature of human insensitivity. To get the theaters presentable before the next round of shows requires every single staff member and manager. Most of those managers and all of the staff are getting paid less per hour than the price of one ticket.
The only way to psychologically compensate for the ego blow caused by cleaning up after tasteless heathens is to focus on the hard realities of capitalism. Since the theater itself makes next to nothing on tickets (if it’s a George Lucas film they even pay a little extra juice for the privilege,) the concession stand is the sole provider of a staff member’s paycheck. At least when they are slipping around in buttery topping grasping for half empty cups of “Vault” (when it’s “Vault” the glass is never half full) they know that these things are responsible for their paycheck. They know that a few pennies from that $4 dollar pretzel will eventually trickle down to provide two meals from one foot long Subway. They know that every $6.25 popcorn eventually leads to 20 minutes on a pre-paid phone so they can sell a little weed and make enough money for rent. Every box of Nerds hastily swept under the screen eventually pays for that secret bi-weekly indulgence of one extra side of guacamole. These are the thoughts that keep college students/graduates sane while they study and save their way to a better life.
However, when they are cleaning up your Doritos, your Veggie Booty, your sack of ten White Castles, your Healthy Choice microwave popcorn, your $18 chocolate soufflé, your 40oz. beers, and your 20oz. mochas… they are thinking only two things.
“Fuck” and “You”
When you are putting one over on “the man” don’t forget about “the little guy.”
Lindsay A. Godard, 19, of Saginaw and a cashier at Saginaw 8 in Michigan, scoops up popcorn for a customer at the movie theater on Wednesday afternoon.
You may now return to your regularly scheduled programming.
The Dave Good Show 